My Gemini Moon by grace mcgrade

tumblr_podv7ujE341rrb9vco1_1280.jpg


I left bits of myself floating in the Scottish highlands, residing in clouds and groves of green right before dusk. In solitude but woven into everything.

The days of keeping people at arms distance as a means to protect me from the intensity of my own emotions are over. I did this countless times, with the words I did not say and the moves I could not make, because my heart was swollen, clenched like fist, clinging onto wounds I mistook for character.

Sometimes I get afraid that if I become someone’s resting place, it will interfere with my freedom, my desire to live based on intuition and spontaneity- without need for explanation. My need to be constantly reborn. To be treading on new terrain. To have secrets. To be wild.

I find myself torn between an insaccepable appetite for luxury and a simultaneous anarchist repulsion against it, wanting to be deeply spiritual and simultaneously delightfully inebriated and away from everything. I exist in polarity and paradox. I need as much spring air as I can get. I am hungry for irrefutable evidence of the impossible. Language feeds me, and I follow it, like an ethereal fog into the woods, endlessly seeking for the words not yet invented for feelings that still feel foreign.

I am trying to anchor in heaven, at a sick time, in a sick place.

I am eager for new kisses, not ones that are bitter or half full. No, they don’t have to feel like butterflies, or fireworks, but make them lasting. Burning. Searing new perspectives inside of me that sediment and consolidate in the deepest folds of soul.

Violently Alive by grace mcgrade

tumblr_mwfhpjEwoO1r8tajco1_640.jpg

I have had a sordid love affair with danger and intensity that was once a suitable refuge but now feels heavy. I have always been half crazy, at times cerebral, bewitching and heartless. Impulsive and non-linear. I am unpredictable and hard to capture, because that is how water and fire are; incapable of being held, never appearing the same twice. But I am getting to a place where I have accumulated enough self worth- not from anything that can be taken away, but from the intimacy I have with my own soul. It is from this place that I have lost the desire to be numb, or on the lip of some oblivion. In all the ways I used to want to escape the truth and run from reality, I now want to run towards it, and be immersed in it, and go deeper and deeper.

You are wine, dark wood and stone. Mahogany and rich. Familiar and infinite. Consoling. Sometimes seeping out onto your surroundings, with a peculiar, animal yet otherworldly magnetism. Bleeding on to me like a series of liquid transparencies. You are a creature of strange and mythological beauty. The child inside of me likes the child inside of you. All the things I am terrified to say to you, I whisper to the stars, in hope they will relay my quiet messages.


All My Friends Are Angels by grace mcgrade

tumblr_pn2666PQrs1ubzd8h_500.jpg

They couldn’t tell the angels they were angels when they left them here. Those were the rules.

Instead, they left clues. Clues obtained in moments of love- because those were the most angelic resonances. The resonances of remembering.

Moments of love were easy to hide clues in, because there was an air of invisibility, you couldn’t see it or smell or touch it, but you knew it was there. Sometimes the clues were like computer codes, in the eyes of another, or in a long sensual embraces. Some were even written in the sky, in crayola sunsets with clouds like pink cadillacs and lilac wishes.

Sometimes there were clues in the words of friends, who could see you better than you could see yourself.

Some angels smoke parliaments and only wear leather, light up at the sight of puppies and are overconcerned with the well being of stray cats. They have skin like alabaster and silver, and jade eyes that speak of the sympathy of the forest. Some think in pairs of people and only came here to love. They have all the jokes and smell like diptyque candles.

Some angels are made of old hollywood movies and cowboy boots. Watching them is like watching a black and white movies, they move like chorales of ghosts and dance on sidewalks. They cackle like candles cracking, and shed salt water tears in your forest bed. They are fearless. When they smile the room smiles with them, and your heart expands fifteen inches further. These angels are seekers, and ask all the right questions. If you are super lucky, these angels will live next door.

Some angels collect dogs and johnathon adler ash trays. These are the wisest of all the angels, and can parachute their consciousness out to fill homes and offices and entire cities. They channel elaborate french cooking and see the highest future versions of people, even when they can’t see it themselves. They save lives many times over. These types come from the sea but understand desert gardens, they are cosmic libraries and curators of perfect moments. They give out of themselves and sometimes have blue hair. They are sparkle fairy princesses dressed in black cashmere.

Some angels are elven tattoo clad boys, who assure you of your powers in the darkest hours. These are rare- and you have to hold on to them- because at any moment they might shoot back to space. They drive white mazdas and set doves free. They will take you on journeys above time and make the best camping partners. They are cosmic inventors and dream actualizers, architects of alien intel and visionaries.

Some angels have as many freckles as stars, and wear back braces. These are the oldest angels but come disguised as teenage girls. They complain about being taller than most boys, but old angels need tall bodies. They wear converse and pajamas, and you can’t really take them to restaurants because they knock things over, put silverware in the tea candles, and scribble alien symbols on the tablecloths- because they are half here and half in the astral, mending broken hearts. They feel everything in every room, and glow at a slightly inhuman frequency, even when making silly faces. These ones are wickedly beautiful, and equally unaware- but thank goddess for that, for their souls manage to seep out and overflow, blind to the subtleties of it’s immaculate container.


Your very best days will start and end with these angels.

Wild Man by grace mcgrade

tumblr_oejgifK0Um1rxx6vdo1_1280.jpg


I don’t want you

To get lost in me

Or even to get found in me

I don’t want a fixer upper

Or to hold your hand

And be your surrogate mother.


I don’t want a

Politically correct

Porsche driving

Nine to Five

“What time, What place?”

Fine Wine and Dinner

Missionary Style

Man


I want second hand jeans

Midnight chaos

Anywhere, anytime

Morning wrestles and in the woods

Once a day

Twice a day

All the time


\\\\Not sex, Love


I don’t want agreement

I want lofty rebuttles

Tape me down to the earth

Hand to feet

Mouth to Mouth

Shoulder rocking laughter fits

Blaring brilliantly

Untamed

Man

With a pathological need to understand the driving forces of all consciousness

Exposing lucid, creative madness-

Like the unhinging of passageway doors

Like the unclasping of a belt buckle


A mutual blending and fusion of madness,

Equal parts godly and erotic;

Leading to everywhere

And nowhere

Ending in death and through to eternity.

Intertwined like Celtic knots

Folding lazer origami

Intricately interconnected and delicately detailed

High on design and wet on holiness.

you can make the same love to a thousand women, or make love to me a thousand different ways.

you and me, we were raised by the wild.

remember what it's like to get free and i’ll be waiting on the other side of paradise.




Vampire Boys by grace mcgrade

In fairy tales, they speak of monsters and love, monsters and love as two seperate things. They don’t speak about love being a disease, bone-crushing, infectious. Like a wildfire, destroying everything in it's path. Or how sometimes monsters are dre…

In fairy tales, they speak of monsters and love, monsters and love as two seperate things. They don’t speak about love being a disease, bone-crushing, infectious. Like a wildfire, destroying everything in it's path. Or how sometimes monsters are dressed as beautiful young men, disguised as lovers, who come right to your doorstep. Like flowers of premonition.

How some monsters have shiny smiles, and glistening eyes, who say things like “Please forgive me,” and “I love you.” How sometimes, monsters and love become the same thing, and you let someone drain you until you are empty, and they are full.



He lived in a cave and he felt like a cave. A cave amidst canyons bleeding wildflowers and hallucinatory purples. He felt like a cave carrying centuries, his chest reverberating with a song you couldn’t name, but you knew from somewhere. His smoky throat and unbalanced breath let out fumes that immobilized me, like airborne paralysis.He held me fiercely, as if we only had one night before he had to go back, return to the deepest cave, evaporate, tumble back into darkness. It was sick, it made me sick, how much I wanted him. He was as fucked up as I was. Can you imagine the two of us together? Fucking each other up. In the morning I would wake up trying to recall how far down we went, which subterranean chamber I had abandoned bits of myself in,this time.


He was alien, a hundred folded galaxies, funnelled tightly through a body, like an ill fitting suit.

Wearing seven jackets from different decades and cowboy boots. When I didn’t think about him I only thought in planets, and in that way, I think he kept me here. I saw him fully and it terrified him.I was an echo of him, when he didn’t want a mirror or a magnifying glass. He wanted a distraction, he wanted entertainment, and I just wanted to see him get free. I didn’t want to be his girlfriend, I wanted to be his epiphany.


I gave up on fragility and subtlety long ago, but I feel too much, and he didn’t protect me. I would have given him my heart and my eyes and woven a tapestry of all my favorite feelings and handed them to him, if he had just stuck around and kept kissing me. The kisses that sent electroshocks through my vertebrae, kisses with nanoseconds of blue lights, flickering in my minds eye, like old film on a screen. Instead he dragged me to hollow, dark places. At 3 am all the pretty people, all the models, look like waxed faced corpses and I am so sensitive, I see everyone’s sadness. Hollow, Hollowood. Empty.

How To Keep Angels Alive by grace mcgrade

If you trust in your strangeness, your peculiar loveliness, and otherworldly magnetism when you are young, everything will come a lot quicker and you will save yourself suffering.

Light more candles and switch off lights. Open your senses as much as possible, you can do this with flowers or chocolate or sunsets, rubbing coconut oil over your skin, or painting your eyelids in blue glitter. Anything that makes your heart tickle and expand two or three inches further is good.

Walk and don’t drive, you’ll get more miracles that way. Remember the earth is your mother.

Say yes to all adventures that don’t make you sick.

Tend to plants, they build self esteem and make you prettier.

Dancing is an antidepressant. Yoga and meditation are antidepressants. Laughter is an antidepressant, and if you feel like you can’t, laugh anyway, until your fake laughter becomes funny.

Green things that grow from the earth are antidepressants, try to eat those every day. If you are heart broken surround yourself in green and pink.

TV and phones are depressants. Saying hurtful things are depressants. Pills too.

The highest status you can receive comes from being unconditionally lovely to everyone. Be outlandishly generous til it becomes an ongoing joke. You get more gifts from life that way. Reveal feelings (especially crushes) because life is too short to conceal  much, and honesty is the greatest high. Fall in love with someone who loves your mind as well as your body, and sees you as an entire universe, not just parts to pick up and put down. Turn dark feelings into paintings or dances or poems. Let your poetry be your scream and don’t censor yourself.

Avoid the following: genetically modified food, meat and dairy, fluoride, cocaine, and anyone blind to divinity. Love your hair although it is loud and tangles, your legs, although they extend beyond anyone elses, your button nose, your crooked spine, because all these things are divine. Focus less on looking like a barbie, barbie can’t write poems or channel- and more like being a Botticelli goddess, being your truest, most unapologetically soulful self. Treat yourself the way you want your world to treat you, and it will ripple out like silvery, pearly water, and all you will receive is luck and magic and beauty and wonder and truth-because thats what you are. Remember we are bound by blood and the way we treat ourselves is the way we treat each other.

Remember you are an actual angel.


Bathe You Away by grace mcgrade

tumblr_nnjh95cdPD1tioa0eo1_1280.jpg

I tried to fix the pain with baths. Countless baths.

Trying to suspend my sorrow in holy water,

to fill myself with something

that was not you.

Drawing bath after bath, floating, dying to be submerged and held for hours on end.


Some with rose petals, witch hazel, sea salt, and opalic clouds of foam- to make you softer, to make me prettier.


Some were cunning. Those ones were dyed crimson, with dragons blood and jasmine, burning so hot that they stained my skin and left an afterglow, so I could seduce and lure you back, savagely, quickly.

There were bright ones, with honey and marigold, milk, lavender and amber- to draw the happiness out of you. To make your eyes light up at the sight of me, again. To help you remember.

Then there were ones with charcoal, brewed of blood and snakes venom, to purge you out of me.

The darkest, blackest things. To make me hard and strong.

And each time I would emerge, unquenched and dehydrated by you, seething.

It’s different now. There is a dissonance in knowing I am holy and being treated otherwise. It's too intense for you, with so much soul it seeps out of me, seeps out of my hands and fingers like rivers with the magnitude of stars. I did not come here to concern myself with the hearts of men. God is my drug dealer.

I long to stray back into the forest and rest amidst the woods and mountains and learn their secrets before anyone else’s.

To be mystically baffled by something bigger than you or me.

Only the earth can give me what I need.


DREAM ARCHITECT SEEKS EXISTENTIAL PRANKSTER by grace mcgrade

I am a scandalously honest skipping stone on the way to heaven, willing to sage your privates, take hikes in the astral plane and let you undress me in the forest.

A Mesmerizing cosmic lunar-tic looking for thrill thief with the soul of a musician and the wardrobe of a lottery winning pirate. Limited responsibilities and an excess of money and time are preferred. Should be woven of the silk of the most luminous stars. Emotionally articulate, and willing to read erotica on megaphones while riding through the Bible Belt on white horses.

A plus if you know the difference between The Greys and Pleiadians, or have any mediumistic qualities.