<3 / by grace mcgrade

I laid on my stomach in the forest. Paced backwards and forwards, barefoot on terra firma. Stagnated in hot springs, waiting for the salt to exfoliate my skin, til my spirit returns intact. Made promises to the ocean. Asked it to swallow my commitment fears. Make me more digestible, manageable. No more half spent dreams. No hurried, unfinished love affairs. No half-anythings. 

I am getting younger. I want less responsibility, instead, to be surrounded by comfort and attention.

I used to be able to psychically surpass life's fragility, to rely on my capacity for apocalyptic vengeance, a hatred- for men, for sterile complacency, for structure. These parts of myself are softening. I can’t carry them.

Tell me about the men in your lineage. Sprawl me out like a map of prehistoric dimensions, return to your muscle memory of paradise, of Eden, before rights and wrongs. Change me. Charge me up. Reassemble my contents, invade my continents, memorize my body. Stare at me til I am invisible. Marry me to foreign perceptions.

I laid on my stomach in the forest. Paced backwards and forwards, barefoot on terra firma. Stagnated in hot springs, waiting for the salt to exfoliate my skin, til my spirit returns intact. Made promises to the ocean. Asked it to swallow my commitment fears. Make me more digestible, manageable. No more half spent dreams. No hurried, unfinished love affairs. No half-anythings. 

I am getting younger. I want less responsibility, instead, to be surrounded by comfort and attention.

I used to be able to psychically surpass life's fragility, to rely on my capacity for apocalyptic vengeance, a hatred- for men, for sterile complacency, for structure. These parts of myself are softening. I can’t carry them.

Tell me about the men in your lineage. Sprawl me out like a map of prehistoric dimensions, return me to your muscle memory of paradise, of Eden. Before rights and wrongs, guilt and shame. Change me. Shape me. Charge me up. Reassemble my contents, invade my continents, memorize my body. Stare at me til I am invisible. Marry me to foreign perceptions.