Violently Alive / by grace mcgrade


I have had a sordid love affair with danger and intensity that was once a suitable refuge but now feels heavy. I have always been half crazy, at times cerebral, bewitching and heartless. Impulsive and non-linear. I am unpredictable and hard to capture, because that is how water and fire are; incapable of being held, never appearing the same twice. But I am getting to a place where I have accumulated enough self worth- not from anything that can be taken away, but from the intimacy I have with my own soul. It is from this place that I have lost the desire to be numb, or on the lip of some oblivion. In all the ways I used to want to escape the truth and run from reality, I now want to run towards it, and be immersed in it, and go deeper and deeper.

You are wine, dark wood and stone. Mahogany and rich. Familiar and infinite. Consoling. Sometimes seeping out onto your surroundings, with a peculiar, animal yet otherworldly magnetism. Bleeding on to me like a series of liquid transparencies. You are a creature of strange and mythological beauty. The child inside of me likes the child inside of you. All the things I am terrified to say to you, I whisper to the stars, in hope they will relay my quiet messages.